Wednesday, January 27, 2010
Graduate Recital
My graduate recital is scheduled! It will be at 1:30 p.m. on Sunday, April 25th in Goldmark Hall at Mannes College. I will be singing Mozart's concert aria, "Alma grande," Hector Berlioz's Nuits d'Été, four lieder by Gustav Mahler, and four songs by Lee Hoiby. Hoping to go out of Mannes with a bang, baby!
Saturday, June 6, 2009
One Year Down, And The Last....
Statistics, and then...stasis. By a six-month silence you may take it that I have been busy. Busy living the things (and more) about to be chronicled. I fancy it good living, myself.
Though much of that living involved singing, little of it was public singing, so there hasn't been much occasion for announcements. But now, I have one, as my title indicates: One year of grad school is down, and the second (and hopefully last) is before me. I've been telling my mom that I will finish higher education by the time I'm 30. Unless someone convinces me to get an artist's diploma (and by convince, I mean, offers me one for free), I think I'll have a good chance; I'll be 29 and 3 months a year from now. And a year is nothing, as we all know, a few thousand heartbeats. So I've begun to wonder what lies beyond the school life, which has been my life for nigh on 23 years.
My first thought is basic, instinctual, and potentially desperate: get paid. This thought would be the child of a relatively new reality in my life, massive school debt. Just for all y'all who were wondering about sopranos at New York conservatories: if you want a scholarship, be a tenor, or play the oboe. My hope is that I will feel the cold metal of my ball and chain every time I step foot on stage for an audition of any kind, and I will sing as if my life and freedom depended on it.
It's worth it, of course. I'm finding that out, anyway. I'm finding out what it's worth it to me to sing for people. I thought I was fine singing in my living room or for a few friends. Performing was something I thought I didn't need to do, but would do if God asked. Well, He did, and now, I need to. This need has grown as the price of saying yes to this has grown. I've discovered that a person can move all the way to New York City, take out a bunch of loans, go to grad school every day, get good grades, get excellent grades even, work hard, show up, and still not pay the price to be a singer. This came to a crisis point for me this year when my voice teacher confronted me, something like this:
"Do you want to sing?"
"You mean, as a career?"
"Yes."
"Well, yeah. I do."
"Well, I'm not convinced. I'm not saying you're not working or not learning your music or anything. But you don't come into a lesson just ready to suck the marrow out of it. If you're going to be in this business, you have to know that you'll die if you don't sing. You have to be a killer."
At this point I laid out the various fears and questions that had been weighing on my mind.
"Yeah, you don't know if you'll get work. This is a scary job. Everybody has fear. I know the sacrifices you have to make for this. It's not easy. That's why you need to be a killer--your need to sing has to overcome your fear. When I watch you sing, it still feels like you're standing outside of yourself, watching, critiquing. You're not giving yourself completely."
The timing of this confrontation, frankly, sucked. But maybe that's how it always is with the truth when you really need to hear it. I went home, cried it out, yelled it out, talked it out, and finally, set to work getting this truth into me. Point of grad school: Become a killer.
To my relief (and perhaps yours), I've realized that a killer is not a psycho-diva whispering curses at the competition (though these exist). In my case, I think it's a matter of adding something to my whole way of being that has the potential to balance me out both as an artist and a person. And I actually think it has to do with love. I have always had an uncomfortable relationship with performing because the nature of the gesture always seemed like self-promotion or neediness to me. I would only play or sing if someone asked me to. Similarly, I always felt it was more loving and humble to wait for permission or invitation to share myself in relationships. But now that I've been invited to sing, I'm learning the other side of love, the side of initiation, pursuit, and giving. A good performer does not promote herself, but gives herself generously to her audience. It is not about what she needs, but what she has to offer. A true "killer" is one who sacrifices herself in a way to give her beauty to others. I was trying to explain it the other day to a friend (a brilliant artist and a Christian), who almost instantly and quite astutely said, "If you would save your life, you must lose it." I guess it's the truth in art as in all things.
I'm thankful to be home in Oregon for a couple months, writing, reading, singing, celebrating family milestones, drinking coffee and having marvelous conversations with Mom, and resting my eyes and ears from the urban jungle in wind-wild, evergreen country. My last summer between school years...
Though much of that living involved singing, little of it was public singing, so there hasn't been much occasion for announcements. But now, I have one, as my title indicates: One year of grad school is down, and the second (and hopefully last) is before me. I've been telling my mom that I will finish higher education by the time I'm 30. Unless someone convinces me to get an artist's diploma (and by convince, I mean, offers me one for free), I think I'll have a good chance; I'll be 29 and 3 months a year from now. And a year is nothing, as we all know, a few thousand heartbeats. So I've begun to wonder what lies beyond the school life, which has been my life for nigh on 23 years.
My first thought is basic, instinctual, and potentially desperate: get paid. This thought would be the child of a relatively new reality in my life, massive school debt. Just for all y'all who were wondering about sopranos at New York conservatories: if you want a scholarship, be a tenor, or play the oboe. My hope is that I will feel the cold metal of my ball and chain every time I step foot on stage for an audition of any kind, and I will sing as if my life and freedom depended on it.
It's worth it, of course. I'm finding that out, anyway. I'm finding out what it's worth it to me to sing for people. I thought I was fine singing in my living room or for a few friends. Performing was something I thought I didn't need to do, but would do if God asked. Well, He did, and now, I need to. This need has grown as the price of saying yes to this has grown. I've discovered that a person can move all the way to New York City, take out a bunch of loans, go to grad school every day, get good grades, get excellent grades even, work hard, show up, and still not pay the price to be a singer. This came to a crisis point for me this year when my voice teacher confronted me, something like this:
"Do you want to sing?"
"You mean, as a career?"
"Yes."
"Well, yeah. I do."
"Well, I'm not convinced. I'm not saying you're not working or not learning your music or anything. But you don't come into a lesson just ready to suck the marrow out of it. If you're going to be in this business, you have to know that you'll die if you don't sing. You have to be a killer."
At this point I laid out the various fears and questions that had been weighing on my mind.
"Yeah, you don't know if you'll get work. This is a scary job. Everybody has fear. I know the sacrifices you have to make for this. It's not easy. That's why you need to be a killer--your need to sing has to overcome your fear. When I watch you sing, it still feels like you're standing outside of yourself, watching, critiquing. You're not giving yourself completely."
The timing of this confrontation, frankly, sucked. But maybe that's how it always is with the truth when you really need to hear it. I went home, cried it out, yelled it out, talked it out, and finally, set to work getting this truth into me. Point of grad school: Become a killer.
To my relief (and perhaps yours), I've realized that a killer is not a psycho-diva whispering curses at the competition (though these exist). In my case, I think it's a matter of adding something to my whole way of being that has the potential to balance me out both as an artist and a person. And I actually think it has to do with love. I have always had an uncomfortable relationship with performing because the nature of the gesture always seemed like self-promotion or neediness to me. I would only play or sing if someone asked me to. Similarly, I always felt it was more loving and humble to wait for permission or invitation to share myself in relationships. But now that I've been invited to sing, I'm learning the other side of love, the side of initiation, pursuit, and giving. A good performer does not promote herself, but gives herself generously to her audience. It is not about what she needs, but what she has to offer. A true "killer" is one who sacrifices herself in a way to give her beauty to others. I was trying to explain it the other day to a friend (a brilliant artist and a Christian), who almost instantly and quite astutely said, "If you would save your life, you must lose it." I guess it's the truth in art as in all things.
I'm thankful to be home in Oregon for a couple months, writing, reading, singing, celebrating family milestones, drinking coffee and having marvelous conversations with Mom, and resting my eyes and ears from the urban jungle in wind-wild, evergreen country. My last summer between school years...
Sunday, October 5, 2008
New York City
Some recent statistics from the life of Allison:
Number of days lived in Manhattan thus far: 50
Number of blisters developed from walking over said city: Probably around 20
Number of chinchillas seen eating pizza out of a man's hand at a local pizzeria while walking: 3
Number of classes I am taking at Mannes College this term: 10 (Ear Training, Dictation, Song Interpretation, Opera Scenes, Vocal Forum, Italian diction, Intro to Grad Studies, voice lessons and coachings, Mannes Repertory Vocal Ensemble, and I'm auditing a first-year French class at the New School, which Mannes is a part of.)
Number of Ear Training classes I missed before I found out I was registered for the class: 3. Normally this is grounds for failure, but the teacher had mercy on me.
Roommates: 2
Commute time to school (walking and subway): around 45 min. each way, but I like to give myself an hour to be safe.
Operas seen at the Met: 1 (Salome, starring Karita Mattila. So glad I will never have to sing that role. But props to Karita.)
Colds: One, and I still have it. Hack, hack.
Time waiting in line OUTSIDE Trader Joe's to get groceries: 20 minutes. Then I had to wait in line inside for about the same amount of time to buy the groceries. After suffering multiple collisions with other customers. It's really unbelievable in there.
Number of different languages, on average, that I hear spoken on the street as I head to school: around 10
Number of times I have spaced out on the train and missed my stop: at least 5
Number of times I have listened to Strauss' Vier Letzte Lieder, instead of working on the music I'm supposed to be learning, in the last few days: At least 20.
Hopefully that gives you a little taste of my life. I am loving the city so far and think I could live here happily for quite some time. We'll see... I'm definitely a poor student, but having no money or furniture (Um, okay, I have a bed. And a desk. Otherwise my roommates, also poor students, and I live in a somewhat dark and cavernous apartment because we're too poor to buy couches or lamps or really anything besides ramen, in their case, and toast, in my case.) is an important experience for an artist, I feel. It definitely eliminates the distraction of shopping. Somewhat. I still look...
TTFN! Thanks to all my friends who have written. I'll try to stay in touch as well as I can!
Number of days lived in Manhattan thus far: 50
Number of blisters developed from walking over said city: Probably around 20
Number of chinchillas seen eating pizza out of a man's hand at a local pizzeria while walking: 3
Number of classes I am taking at Mannes College this term: 10 (Ear Training, Dictation, Song Interpretation, Opera Scenes, Vocal Forum, Italian diction, Intro to Grad Studies, voice lessons and coachings, Mannes Repertory Vocal Ensemble, and I'm auditing a first-year French class at the New School, which Mannes is a part of.)
Number of Ear Training classes I missed before I found out I was registered for the class: 3. Normally this is grounds for failure, but the teacher had mercy on me.
Roommates: 2
Commute time to school (walking and subway): around 45 min. each way, but I like to give myself an hour to be safe.
Operas seen at the Met: 1 (Salome, starring Karita Mattila. So glad I will never have to sing that role. But props to Karita.)
Colds: One, and I still have it. Hack, hack.
Time waiting in line OUTSIDE Trader Joe's to get groceries: 20 minutes. Then I had to wait in line inside for about the same amount of time to buy the groceries. After suffering multiple collisions with other customers. It's really unbelievable in there.
Number of different languages, on average, that I hear spoken on the street as I head to school: around 10
Number of times I have spaced out on the train and missed my stop: at least 5
Number of times I have listened to Strauss' Vier Letzte Lieder, instead of working on the music I'm supposed to be learning, in the last few days: At least 20.
Hopefully that gives you a little taste of my life. I am loving the city so far and think I could live here happily for quite some time. We'll see... I'm definitely a poor student, but having no money or furniture (Um, okay, I have a bed. And a desk. Otherwise my roommates, also poor students, and I live in a somewhat dark and cavernous apartment because we're too poor to buy couches or lamps or really anything besides ramen, in their case, and toast, in my case.) is an important experience for an artist, I feel. It definitely eliminates the distraction of shopping. Somewhat. I still look...
TTFN! Thanks to all my friends who have written. I'll try to stay in touch as well as I can!
Monday, August 18, 2008
La Bohème pics
I'll be singing "Si, mi chiamano Mimi" and "O soave fanciulla" at the Festa Italiana in Pioneer Square in Portland on Thursday, August 21st at 7:30 p.m. or so. Many of my lovely colleagues from PSU will be singing fun Italian rep as well. :)
Wednesday, July 30, 2008
Thank You!
A huge thank you to everyone who attended my recital on the 23rd. It was so wonderful to see familiar faces and faces that I hadn't seen in years, and it was especially wonderful to have my whole family there. :) Thank you for the privilege of sharing that music with you. I hope I can do it again in a few years! And if any of you happen to be in New York City...look me up!!
Love, Allison
Love, Allison
Wednesday, July 2, 2008
Summer Recital
Here's the info on my summer recital. Riverside Church is a lovely space with a nice piano...should be a lovely evening!
Monday, June 16, 2008
Graduated!!!
I don't have my diploma in my hot little hand yet, but last week I finished my final term at PSU and graduated with a Bachelor of Music degree in Performance. Wahoo! Of course, I'm already swamped with the tasks of summer--moving, finding a job in Hood River, finding a job in New York, finding money for school, figuring out the cross-country move, and putting together a little benefit recital while I'm home (and I appreciate hearing any and all advice/information you may have on any of the above tasks).
I'll announce the recital when I have the details, but for now I'm working on a program that will probably include the Samuel Barber piece I did for my recital, "Knoxville: Summer of 1915", some art songs and arias. If I can get it, it will be at Riverside Church, since the piano is decent there, and will probably be on a weekday evening in late July.
I'll announce the recital when I have the details, but for now I'm working on a program that will probably include the Samuel Barber piece I did for my recital, "Knoxville: Summer of 1915", some art songs and arias. If I can get it, it will be at Riverside Church, since the piano is decent there, and will probably be on a weekday evening in late July.
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